On one of Nate Robinson’s dunks during All Star weekend: “Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10!”
“First of all, you don’t want the Chinese mad at you: They can fight!”
“You’re the boss, Ernie. The white guy’s always the boss.”
On the Portland Trail Blazers serving Thanksgiving meals: “In between arrests they do community service.”
“I love sam cassell, he’s a great guy… but he does look like E.T.”
On the Timberwolves’ bench, nick-named ‘The Zoo Crew’: “The zoo crew? Must be a petting zoo.”
“Poor black people are in great shape. Black people use duct tape for everything. You break a chair, use duct tape. Your pants rip, use duct tape. You tear your ACL, use duct tape!”
“I’d never buy my girl a watch…she’s already got a clock over the stove.”
“It’s kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith’s house.”
“I play ghetto golf — I talk the whole time.”
“I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I’d work for the Klan.”
EJ: “Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.”
Sir Charles: “20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!”
“How long do you think Steve Nash spent on his hair? 5 seconds? 10 seconds?”
EJ: “Did they recognize you in South Dakota?”
Charles: “Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say ‘There he goes again’. And when I come back the next year they say ‘He’s back yawl!'”
EJ: “Did you graduate from Auburn?”
Charles: “No, but I have a couple people working for me who did.”
“This is my schedule: I wake up in the morning, decide where to play golf and drink beer all day.”
“I’ve been rich and poor. Being rich is better.”
“We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck! Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon.”
“I’m just what America needs – another unemployed black man.”
“I don’t need to be on TV. If I had a good agent, I’d be on Temptation Island. I wanna be around a bunch of naked-ass girls. That’s just good television programming.”
“On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: “Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.”
“When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”
“All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.”
“I always hang out with people with money and make them pay for everything.”
On Vince Carter : “He played like a girl all last year. TV made him a superstar. Now he has to play like one and quit whining.”
“I really don’t eat that much. I just, more or less, tend to eat all the time.”
“My goals are to play the piano and get really, really, really fat.”